ROH Final Battle 2013
ROH Final Battle 2013 (12/14/2013)- New York, NY
MATT HARDY vs. ADAM PAGE- 5.75/10
MARK BRISCOE PROMO- horrible. People who enjoy Mark being goofy will enjoy this, but for me it just makes me wish he would shut up. In the ring, he looks decent, but in these promos, he comes across like an inbred who borders on having a mental disability.
STRAP MATCH: Mark Briscoe vs. Silas Young- 6/10
Rather than having to touch all four corners successively without your opponent touching any, in this match you had to touch all four corners without your opponent getting any offense in whatsoever. This is towards the bottom of the list of my favorite stips, but they did it well here.
Kevin Kelly decided it was necessary to relate to us an anecdote about the construction of the strap for this match. Apparently Mark asked a friend of his who tans leather and makes leather products for a living for a twelve foot leather strap, and Mark’s friend assumed that this leather strap was for a gigantic. Mark then had to explain that it was a for a strap match he was having. In other words, Mark Briscoe is not a star. In fact, he is so much the opposite of a star that HIS OWN FRIENDS DON’T EVEN WATCH HIM ON TV!
THE YOUNG BUCKS vs. ADRENALINE RUSH- 8.25/10
All action, all awesome. They did a few nice new variations on the standard Young Bucks spots, and the Bucks were such great heels that I both popped and laughed every time ACH or TD avoided a move and caused one Buck to hit the other.
STRETCHER MATCH IN WHICH THE LOSER CAN NO LONGER USE THE PILEDRIVER: Kevin Steen vs. Michael Bennett (w/Maria Kanellis)- 8/10
ROH’s version of a stretcher match is simply that you beat the other guy down so badly he has to be carried out on a stretcher. Definitely less lame than the standard â€"push the guy over the line†rules. Wait… never mind. Kind of. Apparently what happens is that some security guys pick up the stretcher and the other guy has until they carry him to the back to get off of it. This seems a lot like the â€"over the line†rules, but less goofy. They really should have been more clear on this from the beginning.
Wait… another rules change now. Steen just destroyed the stretcher, so we really don’t know what’s going on. Nigel and Kevin Kelly speculate that it might now be a Last Man Standing match. Eventually we got a finish via referee stoppage.
Anyway, this was a very violent match. Easily Bennett’s best singles outing in ROH.
ROH WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: reDRagon(c) vs. Outlaws Inc.- 6.5/10
Prince Nana comes out and says that Outlaws Inc. will take the titles home tonight, so Kyle and Bobby attack him.
Heel vs. heel matches can feel kind of odd when you don’t have someone to root for, and this match suffers from that a bit. Homicide & Kingston were definitely playing the babyface role here, structurally, but they haven’t done anything to make me want to cheer for them, and since their return to ROH, have done quite a few things to make me not want to cheer for them. Kyle O’Reilly tries to mock Homicide by throwing up gang signs.
Homicide went for the Three Amigos and the crowd started chanting for Eddie, and Corino, being brilliant, wondered why the fans were chanting for Eddie Edwards when he wasn’t in this match. When Homicide got up and did Eddie’s chest-slapping thing, Kyle O’Reilly immediately knocked him down. Kyle then proceeded to mock Eddie’s chest-slapping thing, at which point Ocirno remarked â€"Kyle ‘OReilly looks like Eddie Guerrero!†Brilliant heel stuff!
Corino also claimed that his alma mater, West Texas State University, offers a class in cutting the ring in half, taught by Bobby Duncum.
reDRagon cheat to retain the belts, which pisses off Outlaws Inc. Homicide goes to break the fingers of an innocent ring attendant. The poor kid begs Homicide not to, so Cide doesn’t break his fingers. Instead, he lifts the kid up and gives him a Gringo Killer. They then throw a trashcan in the ring and storm out of the building.
ROH TV TITLE MATCH: Matt Taven(c) (w/Truth Martini & the Hoopla Hotties) vs. Tommaso Ciampa- no rating. Great segment.
Ciampa just COMPLETELY DESTROYED the entire House of Truth. He jumped Taven from behind and they had a very intense brawl on the outside which ended when Ciampa gave Taven a Kryptonite Crunch into a section of the guardrail. He got Taven into the ring and went to hit him with the running knee, but Scarlett threw herself in the way to protect Taven, so Ciampa stopped… then just shrugged, charged again and killed Scarlett with the running knee to the face.
The ref immediately went to check on Scarlett while Ciampa went to set Taven up for something else. The ref being busy with Scarlett allowed Truth Martini to sneak into the ring and hit Ciampa from behind with the Book of Truth. Ciampa completely no-sold it, turned around, and gave Truth a Rack Bomb. Casey Ray came off the top rope with her diving hurricanrana, but Ciampa managed to counter it and hit her with Project Ciamapa. One brilliant little false finish for Taven later and Ciampa made Taven tap the Ring of Saturn and won the ROH TV Title.
RODERICK STRONG & JAY LETHAL vs. EDDIE EDWARDS & BJ WHITMER- 7.5/10
Yeah. The â€"suitable replacement†they came up with for Davey Richards here was BJ Whitmer. Kind of a major disappointment. Whitmer coming back for this one last match so he could â€"go out on his own terms†also really felt like it was encroaching on what should have been Eddie Edwards’ special moment, and Eddie’s alone. I don’t understand why they just couldn’t use Jimmy Jacobs here.
Another problem with BJ’s involvement here was that it was hard to watch him wrestle because any time he took a bump, you were afraid he was going to be paralyzed for life. I was at Final Battle 2012 live, and when I saw BJ go through that table forehead-first, I was afraid he wouldn’t get up again. Then, eight months later at All-Star Extravaganza V, when he took that Piledriver from Bennett, it almost really happened. It’s had to enjoy a match when you are afraid that even the simplest bump could wind up crippling someone for life.
Of course the wrestlers did everything they could to protect BJ… but that meant that they were holding back a lot with this match, and Eddie Edwards’ ROH farewell deserved better. Once again, why not just use Jimmy Jacobs here so they can have a better match, and have BJ come out as Jimmy’s manager like he has for the last few shows?
POST-MATCH STUFF- FANTASTIC ANGLE!
Lethal grabs the mic and says that he is going to give Eddie â€"100% respect†and leave the ring so Eddie can have the spotlight when he talks… which kind of made Roddy and BJ look like douches for not leaving, too. (How little we knew…)
Eddie puts over the fans, buts over Cary Silkin, puts BJ over huge and says he is very sorry that BJ’s career had to end the way it did. They hug, and BJ says that his career is just getting started... then he shoves Eddie into a leaping knee strike from Roddy! Wrist-Clutch Exploder Suplex from BJ! Eddie is laid out!
Then Jimmy Jacobs came out and rather than do the standard tease of a confrontation before joining them, Jimmy immediately got up on the apron and started clapping. Props to them for not doing a pointless swerve just for the sake of doing a swerve, because if you don’t overuse swerves, people are a lot more likely to bite on them when you really need to do one (you hear that, TNA?).
Jimmy Jacobs grabs the mic and cuts a promo saying that he is sick and tired of people cheering and applauding guys who are walking out on ROH. He says that there are guys who have been constants in ROH and they deserve a lot more respect. A good promo, and one that made me thank G-d Jimmy Jacobs is in this stable because Roddy and BJ cutting promos? YUCK!
BJ and Roddy hold Eddie up and Jimmy Jacobs pulls out his trusty old spike and stabs Eddie in the head with it.
Then BJ Whitmer turned to the camera and said â€"the best trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist.†So I guess this means he isn’t retired anymore and the whole thing about being paralyzed was swerve? That’s the only way his sentence makes sense, but even if that is the case, he really should have picked something different to say, simply because, in ROH lore, that line will always be associated with CM Punk’s heel turn after winning the belt, kicking off the Summer of Punk, and why compare yourself to that angle if you can avoid it?
TRIPLE THREAT MATCH FOR THE ROH WORLD TITLE: Adam Cole(c) vs. Michael Elgin vs. Jay Briscoe- 9/10
I was pretty sure this was supposed to be an elimination match, but I think a triple threat is a much better idea just because you still have a hot match coming out of it when it is over between the winner of the match and the guy who didn’t take the fall.
During Cole’s introduction, Steve Corino threw streamers at him. That was awesome.
They told a fantastic story with Cole being a total pussy in the beginning and doing everything he could to stay out of the match. They progressed to some great three-way stuff where Jay and Elgin both wanted to beat the crap out of Cole and Cole was just trying to hang on. Most of the match was all three-way stuff. The only time you ever had just two guys going at it while the third was on the outside resting and recovering was when it was a major part of the story.
Jay and Elgin worked together ot put Cole through a table with a double chokeslam, then got back in the ring to fight it out between themselves. They, too, eventually went through a table and did a double down on the outside. At this point we got the only really flaw in this match, which was that Cole came in and encouraged Sinclair to count them out… and for some reason this was the only time in the match where count-outs were being enforced.
Sensing that the other two were going to get up, Cole distracted the referee while Matt hardy came out and attacked both Jay and Elgin. Jay ate a Twist of Fate but Elgin managed to fight it off and sent Matt into the guardrail. Elgin and Cole then wrestled for a bit while Mark Briscoe came out to brawl with Hardy. Elgin eventually powerbombed Cole onto Matt and the Brisoces on the outside… then dove onto the pile himself!
The three competitors wound up back in the ring and then went to a GREAT finish. We had an awesome story, some awesome nearfalls, and a great surprise and the resolution of a big mystery (who Cole’s mentor was). Exactly how you want the main event of the biggest show of the year to go. Definitely my ROH Match of the Year.
What’s that? There’s more?!
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- AWESOME!
Just because he is a giant asshole, Matt Hardy takes Jay Briscoe’s custom, â€"real ROH World Title†belt, and hits both Briscoes in the head with it. Cole takes the ROH World Title and goes to do the same to Elgin, but Elgin blocks it! Elgin goes for the Elgin bomb, but Hardy saves Cole and the heels overwhelm Elgin, with Matt eventually giving him a Twist of Fate. Hardy and Cole celebrate together… and the Chris Hero’s music started playing.
Hero comes out through the crowd (it looked very similar to what he did when the Kings of Wrestling reunited at Final Battle 2009) and actually waits for the heels to turn around before attacking them (because he is a good babyface). Hardy eats a rolling elbow. Cole comes at him with the title, but Hero gives him a big boot, then pulls out his golden, never-prove-to-be-loaded elbow pad (which I would prefer that he didn’t use because he is a babyface now) and KO’s Cole with it (interestingly enough, the elbow pad in question was last seen two and a half years ago in this very building at Best in the World 2011 when Charlie Haas threw it into the crowd… which put this hilarious image in my mind of Hero getting ready to go out to the ring and on his way through the crowd, he looks down, sees the elbow pad still on floors, and figures â€"oh. Wow. How much cooler will it be if I use this thing again?!â€)
Final Battle 2013 ends with Chris Hero return to ROH and standing tall, a promise of great things to come in 2014!
Overall, an awesome show from ROH. One of my top five shows of the year (and the second best from ROH, down only to my current Show of the Year, Manhattan Mayhem V). GO BUY IT!
MATT HARDY vs. ADAM PAGE- 5.75/10
MARK BRISCOE PROMO- horrible. People who enjoy Mark being goofy will enjoy this, but for me it just makes me wish he would shut up. In the ring, he looks decent, but in these promos, he comes across like an inbred who borders on having a mental disability.
STRAP MATCH: Mark Briscoe vs. Silas Young- 6/10
Rather than having to touch all four corners successively without your opponent touching any, in this match you had to touch all four corners without your opponent getting any offense in whatsoever. This is towards the bottom of the list of my favorite stips, but they did it well here.
Kevin Kelly decided it was necessary to relate to us an anecdote about the construction of the strap for this match. Apparently Mark asked a friend of his who tans leather and makes leather products for a living for a twelve foot leather strap, and Mark’s friend assumed that this leather strap was for a gigantic. Mark then had to explain that it was a for a strap match he was having. In other words, Mark Briscoe is not a star. In fact, he is so much the opposite of a star that HIS OWN FRIENDS DON’T EVEN WATCH HIM ON TV!
THE YOUNG BUCKS vs. ADRENALINE RUSH- 8.25/10
All action, all awesome. They did a few nice new variations on the standard Young Bucks spots, and the Bucks were such great heels that I both popped and laughed every time ACH or TD avoided a move and caused one Buck to hit the other.
STRETCHER MATCH IN WHICH THE LOSER CAN NO LONGER USE THE PILEDRIVER: Kevin Steen vs. Michael Bennett (w/Maria Kanellis)- 8/10
ROH’s version of a stretcher match is simply that you beat the other guy down so badly he has to be carried out on a stretcher. Definitely less lame than the standard â€"push the guy over the line†rules. Wait… never mind. Kind of. Apparently what happens is that some security guys pick up the stretcher and the other guy has until they carry him to the back to get off of it. This seems a lot like the â€"over the line†rules, but less goofy. They really should have been more clear on this from the beginning.
Wait… another rules change now. Steen just destroyed the stretcher, so we really don’t know what’s going on. Nigel and Kevin Kelly speculate that it might now be a Last Man Standing match. Eventually we got a finish via referee stoppage.
Anyway, this was a very violent match. Easily Bennett’s best singles outing in ROH.
ROH WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: reDRagon(c) vs. Outlaws Inc.- 6.5/10
Prince Nana comes out and says that Outlaws Inc. will take the titles home tonight, so Kyle and Bobby attack him.
Heel vs. heel matches can feel kind of odd when you don’t have someone to root for, and this match suffers from that a bit. Homicide & Kingston were definitely playing the babyface role here, structurally, but they haven’t done anything to make me want to cheer for them, and since their return to ROH, have done quite a few things to make me not want to cheer for them. Kyle O’Reilly tries to mock Homicide by throwing up gang signs.
Homicide went for the Three Amigos and the crowd started chanting for Eddie, and Corino, being brilliant, wondered why the fans were chanting for Eddie Edwards when he wasn’t in this match. When Homicide got up and did Eddie’s chest-slapping thing, Kyle O’Reilly immediately knocked him down. Kyle then proceeded to mock Eddie’s chest-slapping thing, at which point Ocirno remarked â€"Kyle ‘OReilly looks like Eddie Guerrero!†Brilliant heel stuff!
Corino also claimed that his alma mater, West Texas State University, offers a class in cutting the ring in half, taught by Bobby Duncum.
reDRagon cheat to retain the belts, which pisses off Outlaws Inc. Homicide goes to break the fingers of an innocent ring attendant. The poor kid begs Homicide not to, so Cide doesn’t break his fingers. Instead, he lifts the kid up and gives him a Gringo Killer. They then throw a trashcan in the ring and storm out of the building.
ROH TV TITLE MATCH: Matt Taven(c) (w/Truth Martini & the Hoopla Hotties) vs. Tommaso Ciampa- no rating. Great segment.
Ciampa just COMPLETELY DESTROYED the entire House of Truth. He jumped Taven from behind and they had a very intense brawl on the outside which ended when Ciampa gave Taven a Kryptonite Crunch into a section of the guardrail. He got Taven into the ring and went to hit him with the running knee, but Scarlett threw herself in the way to protect Taven, so Ciampa stopped… then just shrugged, charged again and killed Scarlett with the running knee to the face.
The ref immediately went to check on Scarlett while Ciampa went to set Taven up for something else. The ref being busy with Scarlett allowed Truth Martini to sneak into the ring and hit Ciampa from behind with the Book of Truth. Ciampa completely no-sold it, turned around, and gave Truth a Rack Bomb. Casey Ray came off the top rope with her diving hurricanrana, but Ciampa managed to counter it and hit her with Project Ciamapa. One brilliant little false finish for Taven later and Ciampa made Taven tap the Ring of Saturn and won the ROH TV Title.
RODERICK STRONG & JAY LETHAL vs. EDDIE EDWARDS & BJ WHITMER- 7.5/10
Yeah. The â€"suitable replacement†they came up with for Davey Richards here was BJ Whitmer. Kind of a major disappointment. Whitmer coming back for this one last match so he could â€"go out on his own terms†also really felt like it was encroaching on what should have been Eddie Edwards’ special moment, and Eddie’s alone. I don’t understand why they just couldn’t use Jimmy Jacobs here.
Another problem with BJ’s involvement here was that it was hard to watch him wrestle because any time he took a bump, you were afraid he was going to be paralyzed for life. I was at Final Battle 2012 live, and when I saw BJ go through that table forehead-first, I was afraid he wouldn’t get up again. Then, eight months later at All-Star Extravaganza V, when he took that Piledriver from Bennett, it almost really happened. It’s had to enjoy a match when you are afraid that even the simplest bump could wind up crippling someone for life.
Of course the wrestlers did everything they could to protect BJ… but that meant that they were holding back a lot with this match, and Eddie Edwards’ ROH farewell deserved better. Once again, why not just use Jimmy Jacobs here so they can have a better match, and have BJ come out as Jimmy’s manager like he has for the last few shows?
POST-MATCH STUFF- FANTASTIC ANGLE!
Lethal grabs the mic and says that he is going to give Eddie â€"100% respect†and leave the ring so Eddie can have the spotlight when he talks… which kind of made Roddy and BJ look like douches for not leaving, too. (How little we knew…)
Eddie puts over the fans, buts over Cary Silkin, puts BJ over huge and says he is very sorry that BJ’s career had to end the way it did. They hug, and BJ says that his career is just getting started... then he shoves Eddie into a leaping knee strike from Roddy! Wrist-Clutch Exploder Suplex from BJ! Eddie is laid out!
Then Jimmy Jacobs came out and rather than do the standard tease of a confrontation before joining them, Jimmy immediately got up on the apron and started clapping. Props to them for not doing a pointless swerve just for the sake of doing a swerve, because if you don’t overuse swerves, people are a lot more likely to bite on them when you really need to do one (you hear that, TNA?).
Jimmy Jacobs grabs the mic and cuts a promo saying that he is sick and tired of people cheering and applauding guys who are walking out on ROH. He says that there are guys who have been constants in ROH and they deserve a lot more respect. A good promo, and one that made me thank G-d Jimmy Jacobs is in this stable because Roddy and BJ cutting promos? YUCK!
BJ and Roddy hold Eddie up and Jimmy Jacobs pulls out his trusty old spike and stabs Eddie in the head with it.
Then BJ Whitmer turned to the camera and said â€"the best trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist.†So I guess this means he isn’t retired anymore and the whole thing about being paralyzed was swerve? That’s the only way his sentence makes sense, but even if that is the case, he really should have picked something different to say, simply because, in ROH lore, that line will always be associated with CM Punk’s heel turn after winning the belt, kicking off the Summer of Punk, and why compare yourself to that angle if you can avoid it?
TRIPLE THREAT MATCH FOR THE ROH WORLD TITLE: Adam Cole(c) vs. Michael Elgin vs. Jay Briscoe- 9/10
I was pretty sure this was supposed to be an elimination match, but I think a triple threat is a much better idea just because you still have a hot match coming out of it when it is over between the winner of the match and the guy who didn’t take the fall.
During Cole’s introduction, Steve Corino threw streamers at him. That was awesome.
They told a fantastic story with Cole being a total pussy in the beginning and doing everything he could to stay out of the match. They progressed to some great three-way stuff where Jay and Elgin both wanted to beat the crap out of Cole and Cole was just trying to hang on. Most of the match was all three-way stuff. The only time you ever had just two guys going at it while the third was on the outside resting and recovering was when it was a major part of the story.
Jay and Elgin worked together ot put Cole through a table with a double chokeslam, then got back in the ring to fight it out between themselves. They, too, eventually went through a table and did a double down on the outside. At this point we got the only really flaw in this match, which was that Cole came in and encouraged Sinclair to count them out… and for some reason this was the only time in the match where count-outs were being enforced.
Sensing that the other two were going to get up, Cole distracted the referee while Matt hardy came out and attacked both Jay and Elgin. Jay ate a Twist of Fate but Elgin managed to fight it off and sent Matt into the guardrail. Elgin and Cole then wrestled for a bit while Mark Briscoe came out to brawl with Hardy. Elgin eventually powerbombed Cole onto Matt and the Brisoces on the outside… then dove onto the pile himself!
The three competitors wound up back in the ring and then went to a GREAT finish. We had an awesome story, some awesome nearfalls, and a great surprise and the resolution of a big mystery (who Cole’s mentor was). Exactly how you want the main event of the biggest show of the year to go. Definitely my ROH Match of the Year.
What’s that? There’s more?!
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- AWESOME!
Just because he is a giant asshole, Matt Hardy takes Jay Briscoe’s custom, â€"real ROH World Title†belt, and hits both Briscoes in the head with it. Cole takes the ROH World Title and goes to do the same to Elgin, but Elgin blocks it! Elgin goes for the Elgin bomb, but Hardy saves Cole and the heels overwhelm Elgin, with Matt eventually giving him a Twist of Fate. Hardy and Cole celebrate together… and the Chris Hero’s music started playing.
Hero comes out through the crowd (it looked very similar to what he did when the Kings of Wrestling reunited at Final Battle 2009) and actually waits for the heels to turn around before attacking them (because he is a good babyface). Hardy eats a rolling elbow. Cole comes at him with the title, but Hero gives him a big boot, then pulls out his golden, never-prove-to-be-loaded elbow pad (which I would prefer that he didn’t use because he is a babyface now) and KO’s Cole with it (interestingly enough, the elbow pad in question was last seen two and a half years ago in this very building at Best in the World 2011 when Charlie Haas threw it into the crowd… which put this hilarious image in my mind of Hero getting ready to go out to the ring and on his way through the crowd, he looks down, sees the elbow pad still on floors, and figures â€"oh. Wow. How much cooler will it be if I use this thing again?!â€)
Final Battle 2013 ends with Chris Hero return to ROH and standing tall, a promise of great things to come in 2014!
Overall, an awesome show from ROH. One of my top five shows of the year (and the second best from ROH, down only to my current Show of the Year, Manhattan Mayhem V). GO BUY IT!