WWE Night of Champions 2014
Since I have an ulcer (literally), no beer tonight or probably ever again. Just a meat and cheese this time. Getting to the good stuff...
The Usos (c) vs Goldust and Stardust for the Tag Team Championship: C
I miss "Dashing" Cody Rhodes, but this pretty much solidifies that he's never coming back... Not much to really say about this, nothing quite stands out... The finish feels cheap. I would have preferred something more definitive than just a schoolboy to end it. I guess it's okay for an opener. Maybe.
Cesaro vs. Sheamus (c) for the US Championship: A
Hell yeah, it's Sheamus. [Insert fawning here]... This opening has an old-fashioned feel. It's like watching a wrestling match instead of a fight. I love it!... Now comes the brawling. I suppose it's to be expected... That throw Sheamus gave to Cesaro from the top looked really cool... What a finish! What a match! Very deserving of its grade!
WWE game ad. Two versions of Sting now available, so we finally get to play as the awesome Surfer Sting. Oh, and that other later version of him too. I'm not a fighting game person so I'll pass.
Mark Henry and Big Show segment backstage. I couldn't be bothered to watch. Sorry.
The Miz (w/Damian Mizdow) vs. Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/R-Ziggler) for the Intercontinental Championship: B
Guest commentary from non-wrestling people. Instant mute. What's worse is they're country artists. Very yuck... If Sandow--er Mizdow--is Miz's stunt double, shouldn't he be in the ring instead of Miz?... Oooh. Calling out the guests. Kick their asses, Mizdow!... Shouldn't the referee be watching the wrestlers involved instead of the shouting outside the ring? He might miss someone breaking the rules (Ha, ha, ha. Rules in pro wrestling)... Yes! The figure four leglock! I love this move, more people should use it!.. What a finish! Very fitting! And it looks like someone got pantsed from it too. Actually a pretty good match.
Review of the Roman Reigns surgery. A damn shame this is. I hope he recovers well.
Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns: P
Since Reigns won't be here for the aforementioned reason, Rollins has come out to run his mouth... Good heat magnet stuff... Issues an open challenge that looks to go unanswered except for some bum coming up in a cab. Except, that's no bum, it's Dean Ambrose. Storms the ring to beat the tar out of Rollins... They brawl around the building until the Authority sends security to poop on his parade. Credit Abrose, it took them two tries to finally get the prison-style zip tie handcuffs on him so they can haul him off. I have a few of those, they hurt even for handcuffs... This segment was a very easy Pass.
WWE talking heads panel. Can't be bothered. Not sorry this time.
Mark Henry vs. Rusev: C
We get Lilian Garcia singing the national anthem. Okay?... Ahh, that dislike for Rusev from the crowd. It's refreshing to hear that for a heel. Hopefully this will have the feel of an old Volkoff match... Did I just see Mark Henry hold a two-handed choke on Rusev without a count or even a warning from the referee? Isn't this one of the few things that's still against the rules? (Ha, ha, ha. Rules in pro wrestling)... The physical stuff was rather slow and pretty boring, but the psychology at play here is enough to balance it out.
Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton: A-
Why do I want that light-up jacket so bad?... Hey, I've watched the Attitude Era too, Cole. It's overrated!... Oh, a successful superplex? Rare, usually it ends by tossing the guy off... Ha! Orton just hands JBL his hat. That was nice of him... Exciting back-and-forth and counters. Pretty good... Damn you. I hate rating you well, Orton. I hope you lay a turd in the ring soon.
A.J. Lee vs. Nikki Bella vs. Paige (c) for the Divas Championship: B
Yuck, that belt always was and still is ugly... Let's just hope this match isn't a Jerry Springer style catfight and that Lawler can watch the match instead of the women in it... Quick start, that's good... I wish they could slow down a bit and build tension. I mean, it's not like there's any TIME LIMITS or anything... The hug from Paige is very patronizing and condescending and awesome... Maybe AJ is becoming predictable. I saw her putting Nikki in that Black Widow a mile away... These fine women deserve far more time than a "pit stop" match. It makes their work feel rushed. Don't get me wrong, I like a nice quickie, but they shouldn't be the norm.
Another talking heads panel, can't be bothered yet again, not sorry yet again.
John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship: B-
I bet all those smarky twits booing Cena feel especially brave and edgy tonight. They deserve euphoria... Blockhead dominating. I guess that's to be expected... Blockhead keeps weathering the storm and hitting a big shot to shut Cena down, but it looks to be taking a toll now... Good comeback by the babyface. This could actually be exciting... I should have figured this was too good to be true. Fans get disappointed by a nonsensical ending and the villain-in-name-only stays hot.
Actually pretty good overall. B+ for the entire thing.
The Usos (c) vs Goldust and Stardust for the Tag Team Championship: C
I miss "Dashing" Cody Rhodes, but this pretty much solidifies that he's never coming back... Not much to really say about this, nothing quite stands out... The finish feels cheap. I would have preferred something more definitive than just a schoolboy to end it. I guess it's okay for an opener. Maybe.
Cesaro vs. Sheamus (c) for the US Championship: A
Hell yeah, it's Sheamus. [Insert fawning here]... This opening has an old-fashioned feel. It's like watching a wrestling match instead of a fight. I love it!... Now comes the brawling. I suppose it's to be expected... That throw Sheamus gave to Cesaro from the top looked really cool... What a finish! What a match! Very deserving of its grade!
WWE game ad. Two versions of Sting now available, so we finally get to play as the awesome Surfer Sting. Oh, and that other later version of him too. I'm not a fighting game person so I'll pass.
Mark Henry and Big Show segment backstage. I couldn't be bothered to watch. Sorry.
The Miz (w/Damian Mizdow) vs. Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/R-Ziggler) for the Intercontinental Championship: B
Guest commentary from non-wrestling people. Instant mute. What's worse is they're country artists. Very yuck... If Sandow--er Mizdow--is Miz's stunt double, shouldn't he be in the ring instead of Miz?... Oooh. Calling out the guests. Kick their asses, Mizdow!... Shouldn't the referee be watching the wrestlers involved instead of the shouting outside the ring? He might miss someone breaking the rules (Ha, ha, ha. Rules in pro wrestling)... Yes! The figure four leglock! I love this move, more people should use it!.. What a finish! Very fitting! And it looks like someone got pantsed from it too. Actually a pretty good match.
Review of the Roman Reigns surgery. A damn shame this is. I hope he recovers well.
Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns: P
Since Reigns won't be here for the aforementioned reason, Rollins has come out to run his mouth... Good heat magnet stuff... Issues an open challenge that looks to go unanswered except for some bum coming up in a cab. Except, that's no bum, it's Dean Ambrose. Storms the ring to beat the tar out of Rollins... They brawl around the building until the Authority sends security to poop on his parade. Credit Abrose, it took them two tries to finally get the prison-style zip tie handcuffs on him so they can haul him off. I have a few of those, they hurt even for handcuffs... This segment was a very easy Pass.
WWE talking heads panel. Can't be bothered. Not sorry this time.
Mark Henry vs. Rusev: C
We get Lilian Garcia singing the national anthem. Okay?... Ahh, that dislike for Rusev from the crowd. It's refreshing to hear that for a heel. Hopefully this will have the feel of an old Volkoff match... Did I just see Mark Henry hold a two-handed choke on Rusev without a count or even a warning from the referee? Isn't this one of the few things that's still against the rules? (Ha, ha, ha. Rules in pro wrestling)... The physical stuff was rather slow and pretty boring, but the psychology at play here is enough to balance it out.
Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton: A-
Why do I want that light-up jacket so bad?... Hey, I've watched the Attitude Era too, Cole. It's overrated!... Oh, a successful superplex? Rare, usually it ends by tossing the guy off... Ha! Orton just hands JBL his hat. That was nice of him... Exciting back-and-forth and counters. Pretty good... Damn you. I hate rating you well, Orton. I hope you lay a turd in the ring soon.
A.J. Lee vs. Nikki Bella vs. Paige (c) for the Divas Championship: B
Yuck, that belt always was and still is ugly... Let's just hope this match isn't a Jerry Springer style catfight and that Lawler can watch the match instead of the women in it... Quick start, that's good... I wish they could slow down a bit and build tension. I mean, it's not like there's any TIME LIMITS or anything... The hug from Paige is very patronizing and condescending and awesome... Maybe AJ is becoming predictable. I saw her putting Nikki in that Black Widow a mile away... These fine women deserve far more time than a "pit stop" match. It makes their work feel rushed. Don't get me wrong, I like a nice quickie, but they shouldn't be the norm.
Another talking heads panel, can't be bothered yet again, not sorry yet again.
John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship: B-
I bet all those smarky twits booing Cena feel especially brave and edgy tonight. They deserve euphoria... Blockhead dominating. I guess that's to be expected... Blockhead keeps weathering the storm and hitting a big shot to shut Cena down, but it looks to be taking a toll now... Good comeback by the babyface. This could actually be exciting... I should have figured this was too good to be true. Fans get disappointed by a nonsensical ending and the villain-in-name-only stays hot.
Actually pretty good overall. B+ for the entire thing.