BRM Reviews the 11/17/2011 Impact (horrendous)

[Big Red Machine]

BOBBY ROODE PROMO- Great... when watched in a vacuum. To anyone who has actually watched Impact, on the other hand, Bobby Roode comes off as being delusional. The sad part about this is that this is not TNA’s intention.

REST OF THE OPENING SEGMENT- okay

BOBBY, AJ, & DIXIE STUFF- Every time we hear that Dixie won’t be an on-air character…

SAMOA JOE & JAMES STORM BACKSTAGE- Great!

STING & BOBBY ROODE BACKSTAGE- okay. This Bobby Roode heel turn has been handled so poorly. It feels like Austin Aries’ mind has been transferred into Bobby Roode’s body.

TNA TV TITLE MATCH: Robbie E.(c) (w/Rob Terry) vs. Devon (w/D’Angelo Dinero)- 2.5/10. I don’t care if they are a wrestler’s kids or not. Devon’s sons should not be allowed to jump the guardrail! Where is security? Anyway, apparently, we are back to this stupid angle again.

STING & GARRETT BISCHOFF BACKSTAGE- Still don’t care.

STING, MORGAN & CRIMSON- um… okay.

FLAIR, BISCHOFF & STING BACKSTAGE- Bad. Sting is trying to rub it in to Bischoff by taunting him saying that Garrett will be a bigger star than his father because he can wrestle and Bischoff can’t. Okay. So what? Bischoff has never been a wrestler. That is just such a low stick of comparison. That is like saying you are proud of being a better wrestler than Lillian Garcia. Is it true? Yes. But Lillian’s goal was never to be a wrestler. She hasn’t had much training because she doesn’t want it. Also, now we are going to have Garrett Bischoff running through all of the members of Immortal. Right. Because people care about that. His only real feud is with Bischoff. If anyone should be running through Immortal to get to Bischoff, it should be Abyss!

AUSTIN ARIES & KID KASH vs. BRIAN KENDRICK & JESSE SORENSEN- 4.75/10. Good stuff with Aries & Kash.

KAREN, GAIL, & TRACI BACKSTAGE- Okay. We get it. Karen is a mean person. At least it didn’t take up too much time, though.

JAMES STORM & MR. ANDERSON BACKSTAGE- eh.

KNOCKOUTS’ #1 CONTENDERSHIP GAUNTLET MATCH- 1/10! 10 women means 9 eliminations. The total time of this match was about 12:30, then add in two or so minutes for a commercial, and it gives you 14:30). So the average time each woman lasted in this match was a whopping ONE MINUTE AND THIRTY SIX SECONDS (and it’s really less than that, when you factor in Madison’s twenty second or so entrance)! Tessmacher lost after taking NOTHING MORE THAN A BULLDOG! How the hell are we supposed to take these women seriously if they can’t even last TWO MINUTES?! It makes the Knockouts’ Division look like Mickie James and a bunch of jobbers.

JAMES STORM & BULLY RAY SEGMENT-very good. Props to Bubba for also hyping up Abyss, using this segment to hype up two angles, rather than one. The one flaw in this angle is that, when Bubba said he knew who jumped Storm, Storm didn’t even ask him who it was! Isn’t finding out who attacked him the whole point of everything James Storm is currently doing?

GARRETT BISCHOFF PROMO- eh.

JEFF HARDY & KAREN JARRETT SEGMENT- atrocious. Everyone saw the sneak attack coming, and things dragged on for WAY too long to get to that point. The only thing stopping this from being a dud is the fact that I found Jeff blocking the low blow cool.

RIC FLAIR GIVES GUNNER A PEP-TALK- good (would be much better if the angle didn’t suck).

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Mexican America(c) (w/Sarita & Rosita) vs. Matt Morgan & Crimson- 5.5/10.

GARRETT BISCHOFF (w/Sting) vs. GUNNER (w/Eric Bischoff & Ric Flair)- 2.5/10. Gunner loses after taking only a few moves. And THIS is the main event? Not the Tag Team Title match involving the undefeated guy?

CLOSING SEGMENT- Good.

Overall, this week’s episode of Impact sucked. A complete and total stinker. Utter crap.


STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay- “We can confirm, with each passing day, that Roode is the leader of the generation of selfishness, as he self-proclaimed himself.”- I am going to ignore the obvious stupidity of the second part of Tenay’s quote, and just look at the first part “we can confirm, with each passing day, that Roode is the leader of the generation of selfishness”- First of all, the “generation of selfishness” is not an organization that has a leader, so you can’t confirm that anyone is the leader of such a thing. And even if you could, you don’t confirm something “with each passing day” (i.e. over a period of time). You just CONFIRM it. If you haven’t confirmed it, it is just speculation. There aren’t degrees of confirmation.

2. “Big Robbie” should not be a ringname, and the announcers really shouldn’t be calling him that. I absolutely hate that TNA does this. It is another case of them taking a one-off nickname that was great in the promo it was in… and turning it into something much more than it was meant to be (see: Wizard of Odd).

[e-moose]

I thought that the teaming up of Crimson & Matt Morgan was an excellent idea at that moment, and since that time, I've seen them work great together as a tag-team. I think this could turn out to be the best thing that happened on the 11/17 impact!