BRM Reviews the 12/22/2011 Impact (not very good)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- eh. At least it established tonight’s main event.

WILD CARD TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT MATCH: AJ Styles & Kazarian vs. Rob Van Dam & Christopher Daniels- 4/10. Really? That is how you are going to do this finish? This is dumb. It has been less than three minutes since Tenay told us how important this tournament was to the wrestlers… then RVD goes and kicks his own partner in the head, allowing him to get pinned, and doesn’t even try to break it up? Hell… Daniels didn’t really even do too much to deserve this! Third of all… this finish helps NOBODY! Daniels keeps losing in this feud. This is one more match that he has now lost, and Kaz doesn’t gain anything by pinning Daniels with a BS finish. Why not just have RVD lose cleanly to AJ (who Daniels has beaten in the past) , then have Daniels taunt RVD about it.
This match-up is the sort of thing that drives me nuts. Supposedly “random” tag team partners… and yet here we have two guys who are IN THE SAME STABLE against two guys who are feuding with each other. It just seems so obnoxiously improbable. It is kayfabe possible, so I am fine with it… but it just seems so forced.

ANTHONY NESE PROMO- pretty good.

ZEMA ION PROMO- Awesome!

MATCH #2 IN THE #1 CONTENDERSHI-WAIT! WHAT?! Now, apparently, rather than getting a title shot on his own, the winner of this best of three series will be in a four way match against Aries, also involving Kid Kash and Jesse Sorensen (you know… the two guys whom Aries has beaten a whole bunch of times in the past few months… who are apparently just being handed matches instead of needing to earn them, despite the fact that Aries keeps beating them).

ANTHONY NESE vs. ZEMA ION- 4.25/10. Finish was predictable, but still good.

Tenay keeps talking up how great of an idea he thinks the 225 pound weight limit has been. WHY? It has never been relevant once! Hell… the only way it is in any way relevant is to exclude Doug Williams and Samoa Joe from the X-Division (AJ, Daniels, Kaz, Lynn, Jeff Hardy, & Pope are all under 225)… and Joe hasn’t been anywhere near the X-Division in over two years!

MADISON RAYNE IS THE NEW KNOCKOUTS’ VP- oh joy.

POPE PROMO & SEGMENT WITH DEVON- GREAT!

EY & ODB SEGMENT- EY was slightly funny, but not worth the TV time it wasted.

MADISON RAYNE IS THE SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: Tara vs. Miss Tessmacher- No rating. Good segment. I do have to applaud them for trying to do a comedy match that would actually have some storyline ramifications. Not going to lie… it wasn’t really working for me in the beginning, but there was just one point where it kind of clicked for me and I just started to really enjoy Madison’s antics.

JEFF HARDY & STING PROMO- okay.

EY “COMEDY”- crap.

KURT ANGLE & JAMES STORM STUFF- okay promos (although Kurt getting all dressed up was stupid… and what was to come was even worse).

BULLY RAY PROMO- good.

SHANNON MOORE PROMO- Didn’t like it. Shannon says that he isn’t happy about having to fight a woman because he respects women… How the hell does that make sense? So does he not respect any of the male wrestlers? He is always happy to face them! Even worse… this is ODB we are talking about here. The one knockout whom they have portrayed as the toughest b*tch on the planet. Who isn’t afraid to go up against men. Hell, she was right there with the TNA Front Line when they cut their big promo on the Main Event Mafia. Wouldn’t the best way to “respect” ODB be by ignoring her gender and accepting her as an equal in the ring? Look at the way that women have been treated in CHIKARA over the past few years. Look how much that has benefitted them!
As for Shannon’s comments about Anarquia… this promo really should have come from Anarquia. As Tenay would later remind us, Shannon Moore TATTOOED SOMETHING ON ANARQUIA’S BACK! That is mostly-permanent, painful marking. A branding. Anarquia should be the one espousing his hatred and lack of respect for Shannon. Anarquia is the one who has a real reason to not let this feud die.

WILD CARD TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT MATCH: ODB & Eric Young vs. Shannon Moore & Anarquia (w/Rosita & Sarita)- DUD! This helps NOBODY! Shannon walks out on Anarquia because he body-slammed a woman… then that woman gets up, walks it off, and proceeds to absolutely take it to Anarquia (making Shannon look like an idiot, as it clear that ODB can take care of herself). Then, after taking it to Anarquia, being in full control of the match… ODB hits Anarquia with an entirely unnecessary low-blow for the win. Anarquia didn’t do anything to warrant it. He didn’t grab her breasts or touch her ass or mock her… all he did was treat her like an equal.

If you are male and thought that this ending was in any way productive, go move to a country where they don’t think that men and women are equal. If you are female and thought that this finish was in any way a good thing, I am hereby confiscating your right to vote. You’ll get it back when you prove that you are strong enough to open a door by yourself.

MATT MORGAN & CRIMSON PROMO- good.

KURT ANGLE IN THE BAR- oh dear G-d. This was MORONIC. Kurt Angle goes into a bar in James Storm’s home town dressed like a stereotypical 19th century Western-style bandit, and carrying a toy gun, and then beats people up.

Tenay mentions that now that Sting has forgiven him, Jeff Hardy has come full circle, and has been forgiven by everyone. This is a good observation by Tenay… but is very disappointing at the same time, as we seem to have skipped a whole bunch of steps here. He talked to a few people backstage, then feuded with Jarrett… then that’s it? This should have taken longer than it did, and the forgiving from others should have been a lot more visible. Either backstage segments or handshakes after matches or whatever. Having Hardy feud with Jarrett was a huge mistake. Jeff didn’t need a real feud with anyone. He already had a storyline (his quest for forgiveness). Hell… they should have waited until the build-up to Victory Road, then have Jeff call Sting out and say that he wants to give Sting the match he should have given him last year. Do Jeff vs. Sting at Victory Road, and have Sting shake Jeff’s hand afterwards. This way, Sting has a match with more than just a week of build.

STREET FIGHT: Jeff Hardy & Sting vs. Bully Ray & Bobby Roode- 7.25/10. Very good match. The best Sting has had in a VERY long time.

Overall, a pretty bad show by TNA, made mediocre by a very good main event.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay- “What’s the story here? The man in charge- the Icon; Sting. And as he turns around… he made his way down the entrance… and he turns around and… it’s a Christmas present for everybody! The Insane Icon is back!”
First of all… STOP NARRATING! It’s not a match, where you are calling moves that many people might not know the names of. We don’t need you to tell us that Sting is turning around or walking down the ramp. We can see and understand that for ourselves. Second of all… “back” from what? He was on the show LAST WEEK! And he is (as you pointed out) the guy running the show! So why the hell does his appearance shock you?

[yourcrapsweak]

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay- “What’s the story here? The man in charge- the Icon; Sting. And as he turns around… he made his way down the entrance… and he turns around and… it’s a Christmas present for everybody! The Insane Icon is back!”
First of all… STOP NARRATING! It’s not a match, where you are calling moves that many people might not know the names of. We don’t need you to tell us that Sting is turning around or walking down the ramp. We can see and understand that for ourselves. Second of all… “back” from what? He was on the show LAST WEEK! And he is (as you pointed out) the guy running the show! So why the hell does his appearance shock you?

He meant the insane Joker gimmick sting is back.

[badnewzxl]

Tenay keeps talking up how great of an idea he thinks the 225 pound weight limit has been. WHY? It has never been relevant once! Hell… the only way it is in any way relevant is to exclude Doug Williams and Samoa Joe from the X-Division (AJ, Daniels, Kaz, Lynn, Jeff Hardy, & Pope are all under 225)… and Joe hasn’t been anywhere near the X-Division in over two years!

It WAS relevant once; earlier this year. When Abyss was champ, remember? The whole reason they even made the weight limit....

[Big Red Machine]

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay- “What’s the story here? The man in charge- the Icon; Sting. And as he turns around… he made his way down the entrance… and he turns around and… it’s a Christmas present for everybody! The Insane Icon is back!”
First of all… STOP NARRATING! It’s not a match, where you are calling moves that many people might not know the names of. We don’t need you to tell us that Sting is turning around or walking down the ramp. We can see and understand that for ourselves. Second of all… “back” from what? He was on the show LAST WEEK! And he is (as you pointed out) the guy running the show! So why the hell does his appearance shock you?

He meant the insane Joker gimmick sting is back.

But he didn't use that gimmick. He was just normal Sting.

[Big Red Machine]

Tenay keeps talking up how great of an idea he thinks the 225 pound weight limit has been. WHY? It has never been relevant once! Hell… the only way it is in any way relevant is to exclude Doug Williams and Samoa Joe from the X-Division (AJ, Daniels, Kaz, Lynn, Jeff Hardy, & Pope are all under 225)… and Joe hasn’t been anywhere near the X-Division in over two years!

It WAS relevant once; earlier this year. When Abyss was champ, remember? The whole reason they even made the weight limit....

Which made no sense because Bischoff is the one who wanted Abyss to be champ, and Bischoff was also the one who introduced the weight limit. And either way, it hasn't been relevant in 6 months, and isn't relevant at the moment, so why is Tenay talking it up?

[badnewzxl]

Tenay keeps talking up how great of an idea he thinks the 225 pound weight limit has been. WHY? It has never been relevant once! Hell… the only way it is in any way relevant is to exclude Doug Williams and Samoa Joe from the X-Division (AJ, Daniels, Kaz, Lynn, Jeff Hardy, & Pope are all under 225)… and Joe hasn’t been anywhere near the X-Division in over two years!

It WAS relevant once; earlier this year. When Abyss was champ, remember? The whole reason they even made the weight limit....

Which made no sense because Bischoff is the one who wanted Abyss to be champ, and Bischoff was also the one who introduced the weight limit. And either way, it hasn't been relevant in 6 months, and isn't relevant at the moment, so why is Tenay talking it up?

No he didn't; the "Network" MADE them create the weight limit. It was a condition of the match at Destination X

[Big Red Machine]

It WAS relevant once; earlier this year. When Abyss was champ, remember? The whole reason they even made the weight limit....

Which made no sense because Bischoff is the one who wanted Abyss to be champ, and Bischoff was also the one who introduced the weight limit. And either way, it hasn't been relevant in 6 months, and isn't relevant at the moment, so why is Tenay talking it up?

No he didn't; the "Network" MADE them create the weight limit. It was a condition of the match at Destination X

No it wasn't

[badnewzxl]

Which made no sense because Bischoff is the one who wanted Abyss to be champ, and Bischoff was also the one who introduced the weight limit. And either way, it hasn't been relevant in 6 months, and isn't relevant at the moment, so why is Tenay talking it up?

No he didn't; the "Network" MADE them create the weight limit. It was a condition of the match at Destination X

No it wasn't

I'm pretty sure you're wrong; I don't remember Bischof making that declaration himself. It was either Sting, the Network, or someone else unspecified bc Bischof was complaining about it to Abyss in the weeks following. I think Bischof may have announced it, but the "decision" was NOT his.

here's your proof, about 9mins in :p : [youtube][/youtube]

[Big Red Machine]

No he didn't; the "Network" MADE them create the weight limit. It was a condition of the match at Destination X

No it wasn't

I'm pretty sure you're wrong; I don't remember Bischof making that declaration himself. It was either Sting, the Network, or someone else unspecified bc Bischof was complaining about it to Abyss in the weeks following. I think Bischof may have announced it, but the "decision" was NOT his.

here's your proof, about 9mins in :p : [youtube][/youtube]

You have me there, but I am 100% certain that it wasn't a stipulation in the match at Destination X.

[badnewzxl]

^You're right about that; it's just a consequence to Abyss losing