OPENING BIT- Ah sh*t it’s starting already.
Jeff makes his big return and is greeted by cheers from the adoring crowd… but instead of showing us more of this, TNA decided to cut backstage to Eric Young accosting Dixie Carter, shouting “DO YOU LIKE THIS?!” over and over and over again. You know what, Eric? I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the fact that Dixie keeps resigning Jeff every time his contract expires and then booking him on her wrestling show means that yes, she probably does like this.
Then EY tells Dixie that he will hurt Jeff Hardy and Dixie will have to live with having booked the match. This was SOOOO annoying and the sh*t it led to was completely infuriating.
ERIC YOUNG vs. JEFF HARDY- 6.75/10
So we’re about a minute into the match and our valiant babyface Jeff Hardy is beating the crap out of EY, getting his revenge on the heel who cost him both a world title match and almost two months of his career… and then Dixie Carter’s music plays because Dixie has apparently decided to interrupt this evening’s proceedings.
Dixie announces that because Eric cost Jeff Hardy a world title match when he injured him seven weeks ago and because Eric was whining about not getting any opportunities, she has decided that the winner of this match will be added to tonight’s world title match between Matt Hardy and EC III. So basically, Dixie is going to punish Eric for trying to end the career of one of her top stars and stopping a highly-anticipated main event from taking place… by giving him the very thing that he wants. You know, like how when the police eventually catch up with a bank robber, instead of sending him to jail, they give him money (meanwhile, Jeff Hardy is being forced to once again earn a match that he was already promised). Yeah. I’m sure this will send a clear message to Eric to never try to ruin a world title match or try to end someone’s career ever again. And the most ironic part of all this is that now that Dixie has made this idiotic stipulation that only encourages Eric to do terrible things when he doesn’t get his way, Eric’s ramblings from the previous segment become true. All of the blood that he spills in any future attacks will be on her hands for encouraging this terrible behavior.
This whole thing, from the idiotic stipulation to a match that was already perfect to Dixie coming out and interrupting the match in progress in order to add the new stip was just so… TNA. There’s no other word for it. This was just such a TNA thing to do.
As for the match itself, I thought Jeff was pretty great here. He managed to keep up this intensity where he was even able to do stuff like dropkicks and somehow never lost the “this is a fight, not a wrestling match” atmosphere. Jeff won the match, and Matt, Reby, and the baby came out to cut a promo (well… the babyface didn’t cut a promo, but you know what I mean), completely taking all of the focus off Jeff having gotten his revenge on EY.
MATT, JEFF, & REBY SEGMENT- this was one of those segments that I hate SOOOOO much that TNA inexplicably feels the need to do every so often where the heel comes out and tries to convince the babyface to just forfeit a match and we all know that the babyface isn’t going to do it in the end but they still feel the need to not only do the segment even though it doesn’t actually add anything to the overall story, so it is just a waste of time to the point that it makes you want to throw things.
Well, I didn’t throw anything (this time), but… maybe you can attribute some of it to the fact that I’m off from work tomorrow, but let the record show that we are just two segments in and this show has already driven me straight to my bottle of Jack Daniels.
At least that last little bit with Jeff rejecting the offer and Matt trying to attack him and Jeff laying Matt out with the Twist of Fate was great.
DECAY JUMP EDDIE EDWARDS BACKSTAGE- not that this was bad or anything, but I think they are missing a big opportunity here. If Davey is out for a few months, why not do an Eddie Edwards vs. Trevor Lee feud for the X-Division Title to help get Lee over, as the singles losses won’t really hurt Eddie because it will all be pretty much forgotten the moment Davey comes back and the Wolves get their return match against Beer Money.
MIKE & MARIA PROMO- great!
BEER MONEY & EDDIE EDWARDS BACKSTAGE- okay… so is someone else joining Decay to make this 3-on-3?
INTER-GENDER MATCH: Mike Bennett & Maria Kanellis vs. Drew McIntyre & Gail Kim- hard to rate. As a match, this was like a 6.5/10 (more for an enjoyment factor than because of the wrestling, but if I were rating this as a segment, I’d say it was pretty darn good. They used the stipulation really well while keeping up this fun atmosphere were Maria’s attempts to escape Gail would inevitably result in Bennett being forced to face Drew (or occasionally even Gail) and get his butt kicked… until Gail was finally about to get her hands on Maria only to be stopped by Bennett, but when Gail and Drew took Bennett out, that weasel Maria took advantage of Gail’s split focus to roll her up from behind for the victory, escaping the justice that she so richly deserves.
Wow. Drew’s PandaTron is really pathetic. It doesn’t even have one single clip, and is just three slides on loop… and two of those slides are almost identical.
JOSH MATHEWS INTERVIEWS LASHLEY- great stuff. Lashley got tons of heat and Pope got to turn babyface. This is the first time I can ever recall an announcer getting beaten up in TNA, and it felt like it meant something.
DECAY PROMO- Abyss was great! I’m just not into Rosemary saying “Decay” over and over again. Interestingly, though, she said “you boys have never met a girl like us.” “A girl” singular like “us” plural. A hint about her character perhaps? Maybe she has multiple personalities and heel Rosemary is with Crazzy Steve and Abyss while nice Rosemary used to be with Jimmy Havoc? Just speculating.
JB replaced Pope on commentary. He was SOOOO much better than Pope. Josh thanked the Pope for saving him (which I guess means Josh is a Catholic).
EC III & JEFF HARDY BACKSTAGE- this made me laugh, simply because I decided to interpret the angle as being that Ethan has been in TNA so long that he is certain that the Hardys are swerving him even though it makes no sense.
EDDIE EDWARDS & BEER MONEY vs. BRAM & THE DECAY (w/Rosemary)- 4.75/10
Wait… ROSEMARY is wrestling against Eddie Edwards & Beer Money?
The match was short.
GRADO RAMBLES AT BILLY CORGAN- Corgan says TNA officials will make their decision in the ring. WHAT DECISION IS THERE TO BE MADE?! Grado’s fat ass got fired fair and square!
MATT & REBY TALK TO DIXIE- Matt threatens to get intentionally DQed by punching the ref as soon as the bell rings, proving once and for all that BRM is right: There are DQs and count-outs in three-way matches!
Dixie responds to Matt’s plan by making this a No DQ’s, no count-outs match… which just favors Matt in an entirely different way, as he has Reby, Tyrus, and Spud to interfere for him (plus EY will probably attack Jeff). Wouldn’t it have just made more sense to say that if Matt got counted out or DQed, he would be stripped of the title?
GRADO/ELI DRAKE FEAST OR FIRED VIDEO PACKAGE- included the clip of Eli punching Grado in the face. Therefore: 15/10!
BILLY CORGAN MAKES A DECISION ABOUT THE GRADO/ELI DRAKE ISSUE- the end result of this all was… A COMPLETELY UNADVERTISED LADDER MATCH IN WHICH IF GRADO WINS, HE GETS A NEW CONTRACT. Yes. The blow-off to this feud will not only have literally no hype going into it, but will also AT BEST merely reset the pre-Feast or Fired status quo.
LADDER MATCH FOR GRADO’S TNA CAREER: Grado vs. Eli Drake- 4/10
It was a ladder match that barely went six minutes, and even worse: Grado won. Godderz and Shera both interfered. Stupid Grado did a dive off of a ladder to everyone on the outside when it looked like he could have easily reached the contract. That looked so dumb.
EY & BRAM BACKSTAGE- oh great. Now WILLOW is coming back.
NO DQ’S NO COUNT-OUTS MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: Matt Hardy(c) vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Jeff Hardy- 3.25/10
Oh look. Eric Young interfered in the a world title match and gave Jeff Hardy a piledriver on the floor and now Jeff is injured can no longer compete in the world title match. In other words: we’re back to square one.
And look. Now Spud and Tyrus are interfering and costing Ethan a world title match. Again.
Now Mike Bennett is interfering
So basically this match was all of the dumb bullsh*t I predicted it would be the moment Dixie decided to make it no DQ’s instead of just saying that if Matt got DQed or counted out, he would be stripped of the title.
Matt starts to give a victory speech but then Drew McIntyre showed up to cash in his Feast or Fired Briefcase, resulting in a…
TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Matt Hardy(c) vs. Drew Galloway- no rating.
Drew wins the TNA World Heavyweight Title, completely cutting off possibly lucrative title feuds for Matt (well… as lucrative as things get in TNA, anyway) against both Jeff and EC III. But they’re TNA and just can’t help themselves. They have to change a title on every set of tapings because that will create buzz or whatever other bullsh*t excuse for their bad booking they are deluding themselves with.
I was actually really enjoying this show (that one shot of Jack was all I needed) until the main event, but that main event just totally killed it for me.
