BRM Reviews the 2/23/2012 Impact (so bad it's offensive)

[Big Red Machine]

BOBBY ROODE PROMO- Bobby Roode claims that Sting has retired. Let me guess how this show is going to go: All night, Taz and Tenay will be talking about Sting retiring. Then, the last segment on the show (after the main event) will be Sting coming out and tell everyone that he isn’t retiring, and that Bobby Roode has misinterpreted his tweet. Of course, he will wait to do this until the end of the show, letting a major and clearly incorrect rumor about himself spread around, rather than wanting to correct the inaccuracy as quickly as possible.

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Samoa Joe & Magnus(c) vs. Matt Morgan & Crimson- 4.75/10.
Did they really have to give us THE EXACT SAME FINISH as Against All Odds? Couldn’t they come up with some other spot to show that there are “communication issues” between Morgan & Crimson?

PROMO BY THE FOOTBALL PLAYER-He clearly had no idea what he was saying. They couldn’t have coached this guy enough to make sure he could remember to say “Bully Ray” and “#1 Contender.” WOW. Someone actually acknowledged that they shouldn’t have jumped the guardrail, and that doing so makes him fair game. Take note, Papa Briscoe.
Anyway, the football player calls out Bully Ray, who cuts a dull promo, and the football player chases after him. As Tenay pointed out, This guy is significantly faster than Bubba, and was halfway up the ramp before Bubba even got off the stage. When we come back from commercial, apparently this guy hasn’t caught Bubba yet, and is now walking around with a camera until James Storm and Jeff Hardy pull him aside and formulate a plan. Overall, a bad segment.

ZEMA ION vs. ALEX SHELLEY- 4.25/10

GARRETT BISCHOFF PROMO- horrendous. Hogan was eh.

MADISON RAYNE PROMO- eh

GAIL KIM vs. ODB (w/Eric Young)- 4.75/10

AJ STYLES PROMO- Yeah, I don’t buy it one bit. No way in hell can AJ put being betrayed by two of his best friends behind him.

JESSE SORENSEN STUFF-it is what it is

TNA TV TITLE MATCH: Robbie E(c) (w/Rob Terry) vs. AJ Styles- 4.5/10

All night, Taz and Tenay have been wondering whether or not Brandon Jacobs will get involved in the main event, as if they have never seen a wrestling show before. Will Brandon Jacobs get involved in the main event? I don’t know… is the Pope Catholic?

BULLY RAY & KURT ANGLE vs. JEFF HARDY & JAMES STORM- 1/10.
The fact that there was some decent storytelling in the beginning is the only thing saving this from being a dud. I actually threw something during this finish. That is how furious I am. Kurt and Bully Ray go to get a table, which the ref is perfectly fine with. Both the babyfaces and the heels at different times try to set the table up in the ring… the ref STILL does nothing about it. Then the football player (you know… who ISN’T A LEGAL PARTICIPANT IN THE MATCH) jumps into the ring… Hebner STILL does nothing. Then the football player gives Bully Ray a chokeslam through the table RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REF! And the ref does NOTHING! Then James Storm makes the cover and the ref counts the pin. WTF? All this did was tell us that our babyfaces need help to win. An utter failure of a main event.

STING & BOBBY ROODE SEGMENT- Utter crap. A crime against good segments. First of all, my prediction from earlier was dead on… but onto the specifics:
1. Sting’s style of cutting promos is ATROCIOUS. The purposeful overacting is just so bad. It ruins my enjoyment of the show. I can’t take him seriously when he says that he is going to kick Bobby’s ass at Victory Road because of all of the goofy jumping around the ring he has been doing for the past 90 seconds. It is so bad that I was hoping that, when his back was turned, Bobby Roode would punch Sting in the back of the head and shut him up. Which leads to…
2. Why didn’t Bobby jump Sting from behind? It was obvious to everyone where Sting was going with his announcement, so why did Bobby wait for Sting to face him before trying to do the same exact thing he did last week (which Sting will obviously be expecting, assuming he learns from his mistakes)? Just jump him from behind!

If this is what we can expect in the Lagana era, I think it is time for some “FIRE LAGANA!” chants. This whole episode of Impact (aside from Gail getting the clean win) felt like a crash course in Russo 101. The obvious swerve that is more important than the main event, the dirty finishes, the celebrities. If this is what TNA thinks is good wrestling, I have no idea what to say. I know I said this about last week’s Smackdown, but this is even worse than that. This was THE WORST wrestling show I have seen in a very long time, and I hope I never see anything close to being this bad ever again.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay hypes up the fact that Brandon Jacobs (of the NY Giants) is “making his return to the Impact Zone”- “Making his return? He was on the show last week! By that definition, you should be hyping up EVERYONE as “making their return.”

2. Tenay “they plotted and they planned and they have Brandon Jacobs in their corner”- so they came up with the idea that this guy who has an outstanding issue with Bully Ray and is here in the first place because he is James Storm’s friend should be in their corner for their match against Bully Ray? The amount of thought needed to come up with that idea does not even come close to warranting two verbs, Tenay.

3. Taz says that Brandon Jacobs chokeslamming Bully Ray through a table is like Jeremy Lin. This might be the dumbest thing Taz has ever said.

[Serujuunin]

BULLY RAY & KURT ANGLE vs. JEFF HARDY & JAMES STORM- 1/10.
The fact that there was some decent storytelling in the beginning is the only thing saving this from being a dud. I actually threw something during this finish. That is how furious I am. Kurt and Bully Ray go to get a table, which the ref is perfectly fine with. Both the babyfaces and the heels at different times try to set the table up in the ring… the ref STILL does nothing about it. Than the football player (you know… who ISN’T A LEGAL PARTICIPANT IN THE MATCH) jumps into the ring… Hebner STILL does nothing. Then the football player gives Bully Ray a chokeslam through the table RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REF! And the ref does NOTHING! Then James Storm makes the cover and the ref counts the pin. WTF? All this did was tell us that our babyfaces need help to win. An utter failure of a main event.

I was a hair's breadth from throwing something too. I was actually sitting there totally dumbfounded thinking "Did I miss where they announced this was a No DQ match?"

[Verdun]

Once again I miss Impact only to realize I didn't miss out on anything.

[Serujuunin]

Once again I miss Impact only to realize I didn't miss out on anything.

Nope, you sure didn't. I seriously question my own sanity for subjecting myself to it every week.

[Rabid619]

You know, they should make Impact fun by creating a drinking game. Only problem is that people would get sh*t faced and pass out before the first hour is up.

[Serujuunin]

You know, they should make Impact fun by creating a drinking game. Only problem is that people would get sh*t faced and pass out before the first hour is up.

What kind of drinking game? Take a shot whenever TNA fouls up its own angles with inconsistencies?

Or take a shot whenever an announcer says something stupid?

[Rabid619]

Or take a shot whenever an announcer says something stupid?

You'd be drunk not even half hour into it in that case. Doesn't matter if it's Taz or Tenay. Double shot if they combo their stupidity.

[badnewzxl]

=)) I knew you'd HATE the ending =)) =))

Honestly, even I (he who LOVES to bend the rules) had a problem with THAT ending. TNA's refs are ATROCIOUS! :))

[Serujuunin]

Or take a shot whenever an announcer says something stupid?

You'd be drunk not even half hour into it in that case. Doesn't matter if it's Taz or Tenay. Double shot if they combo their stupidity.

Dear God. I'd be passed out drunk after the first match.

[Rabid619]

Dear God. I'd be passed out drunk after the first match.

AFTER?!! I'd pass out during

[Serujuunin]

Dear God. I'd be passed out drunk after the first match.

AFTER?!! I'd pass out during

Depends on what we're drinking.

[KILLdozer]

Hey dudes,I went to school once with the football playing guy.

[Rabid619]

Hey dudes,I went to school once with the football playing guy.

Brandon Jacobs? The dude is 29 and you said you just turned 21. How would that work?

[Big Red Machine]

Ratings from this week are in and TNA did... a 1.2... which is basically what they have been doing for a while now. So much for the publicity stunt and the mainstream media hype getting you ratings.